I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize