You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
