She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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