I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Randomize
