why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Enjoy the penises
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
