I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
