I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
