i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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