Whod you bang
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
