Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
