chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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