so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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