I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize