The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
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He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
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Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize