im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
