Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
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Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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