i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
