at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
