I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
