the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
