bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
