alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
