Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
