Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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