Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
