I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
