why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
