i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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