I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Pooping to opera.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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