I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
