perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My breasts were aching with rage.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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