That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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