Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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