Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
