Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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