I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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