Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
