All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
