I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
