dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
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There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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