dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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