My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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