dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
