his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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