He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
