We won't sleep together?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
