dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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