Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
