If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
