I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
