All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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