I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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