wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
