how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
