Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
