SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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