didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
