I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
