it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
