I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
