remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
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my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
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All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...