No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.