If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
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and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
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He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.