remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is