he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.