:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Randomize
