she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out