Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
