nutella sex= disaster
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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