what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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