Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
