the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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