never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
