and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
