Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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