Sry I called you an 8
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you will always have a special place in my vag
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
