I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
