Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
