The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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