I love black thongs
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
