Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
