Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I deserve this hangover.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
