Heybabeimwearingurpanties
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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